Nothing New to Report

Nothing exciting to report and it’s movie night here so gotta make this quick and get back to snuggle time.

Day 6, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

E2: 402.5
LH: 2.36
Lefty: 2 @10.5mm, 2@10mm, a few more @<11mm
Righty: a few @ <11mm

Physical:
Starting to feel bloated. I can feel tightness when I lay on my stomach.
Nausea continues

Emotional:
Getting to the top of the IVF wave where the sun is shining.

Food:
Grilled cheese on thin slim foods low carb bread and leftover whatever stew from yesterday.

Moment of Zen:
A parental chuckle.

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Come on Righty!

Damn, I just got comfortable with my laptop and I forgot my notes from the phone call in my backpack. Oh well, time to wing it!

I knew my right ovary was going to be difficult. At my baseline appointment she was hiding away and I had to push on my tummy to help the nurse find her. And true to form, she was hiding again today. The nurse said she saw follicles but nothing measurable yet.

Lefty is rocking it, in my opinion. She counted 4 that were around 10 and a few other little ones. Well done lefty!

Next appointment is on Sunday. I’m glad things are moving along. I forgot how quickly this stimulation goes. We’re almost half way already.

Day 5, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

E2: 402.5
LH: 2.36
Lefty: 2 @10.5mm, 2@10mm, a few more @<11mm
Righty: a few @ <11mm

Physical:
Just feeling drained.

Emotional:
Getting to the top of the IVF wave where the sun is shining.

Food:
I threw a bunch of stuff in a pot and we ate it. I think there was meat and potatoes.

Moment of Zen:
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Let’s Get Going!

I don’t have anything exciting to report today. These meds are officially kicking my ass. I’m so tired I’m going right to bed after this. And I was so sick last night. I woke up in the middle of the night with violent motion sickness. It felt like I spent all day slamming Jack Daniels in the sun. Ew.

Tomorrow is my first monitoring appointment. Time to kick this cycle into 2nd gear finally.

Day 4, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

Physical:
Really tired.
All day nausea. A cosmic joke?

Emotional:
Blah

Food:
Leftovers from yesterday.

Moment of Zen:
Edit: Actually going to link this entire Buzzfeed article. So funny!
27 Vines That Will 100% Make You Laugh

In Other News

If you won the lottery what would you change on your body? If you say nothing, I don’t want to friends with you… Just kidding but man, that would be awesome. I actually think for the most part I’ve made peace with my lumpy bumpy areas and such but one part I have always wanted to fix is my damned teeth.

I’ve hated them my whole life. Well as long as I’ve had them anyways. I had braces for a bit but let’s just chalk it up to an unqualified dentist. So here I sit with a messed up grill and years of insecurity about my smile.

So I finally went to see someone about my pearly yellows and looks like I’ll be getting braces in 2016. I met with a dental surgeon yesterday and he was like “Ew, I can’t fix this, go see an orthodontist”… I’m sure he used more professional language and he was actually very nice and made me very excited about my options but it wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t a bit dramatic.

So I’m off to see the orthodontist in 27 days! N is worried that I’ll have to get the old school train track looking ones. I am just excited to be getting my teeth fixed! I’ll even go so far as to say I’m a teensy bit more excited than I am about egg retrieval. Just because I know the outcome of this will be awesome.

It’s going to be a great December, everyone.

Day 3, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

Physical:
Injection site sensitive. Found a bruise from yesterday.
No more dizziness
No more funny taste
Period seems to have ended. Happy day.
Twitches felt in abdomen. Whoop!

Emotional:
Read above about teeth. This is overshadowing any fear/anxiety of IVF process.

Food:
Roasted chicken
Sweet potatoes
Cheesy cauliflower gratin

Moment of Zen:
So cheesy but I lol’d.

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It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Tomorrow is the start of my favourite month!! I can’t wait! I go into complete holiday mode. I’m not the best employee in December. All urgency goes out the window. I have parties to look forward to. Gifts to buy. Eggs to grow!

As you can tell, I’m feeling a lot better today. I’m a little bummed that 1. I can’t put up decorations yet because we’re in the middle of the reno so there’s no place to put it and 2. since we’re in super saver mode, I can’t buy any Christmas gifts until mid December after we pay for the PGS.

But all that aside, I think the fact that this is the best month of the year is making the IVF stress a little easier to bear.  Today anyway.

Let’s see how we’re doing so far:

Day 2, IVF 2:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur

Physical:
Injection site sensitive
Slightly dizzy immediately after injection
Funny taste at the back of throat
Period still on full flow. Is that normal?

Emotional:
Excited. About Christmas
Thoughts of egg count still in the back of my mind.
Zita West CD helped a little with stress level.

Food (Just to keep track of what I’m eating in an attempt to shame myself into eating better):
Cheesy stuffed slowcooker meatballs with pasta
Last slice of cheesecake
Mango,pineapple,coconut water smoothie

Moment of Zen (unabashedly stolen from the Daily Show):
This video made me laugh out loud. Going to try to post something funny every day.

 

So Dizzy

Snuggled on the couch stroking the tender spot on my tummy where my first Menopur and Gonal F shots of this second cycle went in, trying to gauge my emotional state.

My physical state is..well.. dizzy, I have a funny chemical taste in the back of my throat and tenderness at the injection site.

All day I was trying to keep busy, cleaning out the bathroom and getting the trim ready for the dining room. I was excited. Mixing the meds I was almost giddy. And now I’m feeling a bit emotional. It might be because I started a full period this morning as a result of stopping the pill so I might be pmsing but I do feel like having a good cry. I’m nervous and my mind is racing. This is not how I wanted this to go.

The theme of this cycle is supposed to be CALM. When I got the antral follicle count on Wednesday (twelve). I spent all day googling antral follicle counts vs egg retrieval counts. That’s not what I wanted to do this cycle but I completely threw all my rules out of the window.

I’m going to try harder to be calmer. I will be calmer. I have yoga and my ivf cd’s. I can do this.

If you’re interested in the technical bits. Here’s what’s happening this cycle.

Day 1:
300iu Gonal F
150iu Menopur
250cc Strawberry Cheesecake

 

The Play Room

When I was younger, maybe 4th grade, we lived in San Francisco for a year while my father did his Masters. I remember them having a lot of younger couple friends but there was one couple who had the best house in the whole world. You walk into the house and they had a sunken living room that was converted into a play room. It was amazing!

They had legos and books and all the board games you can imagine and every time we came they seemed to have a new one for the three of us to play. The best part was the puzzles and gadgets. It was like a touch-and-learn area in a museum of science.

They had the plasma globe and an another globe that was suspended between two magnets that looked like magic. There was a doohickey the rolled on a track from side to side and never stopped (more magnet wizardry) and I remember a tonne of 3d puzzles. 3d puzzles are the best! Anyway, you get the point. A nerdy child’s dream.

We weren’t over there often but everytime was the best day ever. I loved it so much that I always swore that I would have a playroom exactly like that when I grew up. For my kids and my brothers’ kids and everyone’s kids. I knew I wanted have the house that every child wanted to be at just because being in that house brought me so much joy. And the couple were the best people as well. They really spoiled us everytime we visited.

I never forgot that playroom and I actually started collecting 3d puzzles and gadgets. I had a plasma globe and lava lamp too. I have quite a collection in SA. I’ll have to start again unfortunately because most of the cool electronic stuff won’t work here. Sorry plasma globe.

Recently, this couple popped in my mind for whatever reason one day when I was driving home and it dawned on me that they didn’t have any kids. My parents have since lost contact with them so I don’t know if they ended up having kids or if they’re still childless. I wonder if they’re childless by choice or if their playroom was meant for children they didn’t have at the time. I wonder if seeing us in their playroom made them sad if they couldn’t have kids or if they were just the type of people who loved seeing everyone happy. That’s how I remembered them.

I was very excited about creating my own playroom growing up. I’ve had a million ideas but of course in my current situation I keep wondering if my playroom will be for my kids or for my friends’ kids and my husband’s family’s kids.

Not to be a downer but there’s always the possibility that my playroom won’t have any of my children to play in it and that makes me a little sad, but then I remember how awesome the original playroom was and how much joy it brought me when I was there. And I know that the couple loved having us there since they always had new toys for us when we visited and they played with us sometimes. I can only imagine that seeing joy in any child’s eyes is enough, no matter what your situation is and I’m very excited to be able to bring that kind of joy.

So I’m going to continue my collection and our next house is going to have the most epic playroom. Yes, there will be a giant tropical fish tank. And yes, you’re all invited to bring your kids (even if you don’t have kids… there’ll be a plasma globe. No one can resist a plasma globe).

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source: wikipedia

 

Coconut Twist

So much for blogging every day, huh? So much to working on my time management too, huh?  *shaking my head*

We had a pretty busy weekend and a fun one for once. Fun because it involved zero working on the house. Well, I shouldn’t complain, the shitty part of the reno is over. The shitty part being the incessant mudding and sanding. It never seemed to end. The best part of the weekend was when I had to work for 4 hours on Saturday while hub did the final mud and sand while I was away. Hooray!

I picked a paint colour as well. We’re going with something called coconut twist. Which is actually just white-ish but not as white as the white the ceiling will be. That’s the extent of my colour selecting prowess. I’ve never seen that many shades of white in my life. I really hope I chose the right one.

Saturday evening we had dinner with our friends. It was the first time any of us had been out in a while so we really took advantage of the situation. We ordered way too much sushi, had 2 cocktails a piece that were difficult to handle and we ended up staying until the restaurant closed like any group of married folks would do.

And just like any other couple of married folks we were promptly in bed by midnight. I really had a blast though. We hadn’t seen them in a while and I think I needed human interaction after being cooped up in the house for that long.

Hmm, I realize now that this post doesn’t have any point. I guess just an update on my rip roaring social life. It’s back to the hermit hole now until the dreaded room is complete.

So with that I’ll leave you with this clip from a Chris Rock show. The first 2ish minutes reminded me of how our double date went. I lol’d.

In IVF news… I’m on day 4 of bcp’s and they are kicking my ass. It’s never been this bad before. So dizzy. So sleepy.

1 1 1

Well here we go. Cycle day 1 has arrived. And today also happens to be 1 year, 1 month and 1 day since my last cycle day one.

I started this post at work earlier and I was trying to gauge my feelings about this cycle. At the time I was deep in the throws of violent cramping, as I’d forgotten my pain killers at home, and I was not feeling excited at all. My exact words were that this cycle feels like I am getting back with an ex.

I still feel like that more than I am excited at this point. I feel like I’m waiting for something to fuck up so that I can admonish myself for getting my hopes up.

Things are going to be different this cycle however so it’s not like I’m getting back with the same old ex who “did me wrong”. I’ll be getting back with an ex who has shown proof that he’s changed, so there’s reason to hope that things will turn out differently this time.

For one, we’re doubling my dose of meds so that, in the words of my RE, we’re not playing catch up. I’m not doing acupuncture this time. I know it comes highly recommended but It’s a bit expensive and it didn’t work last time. I’ve opted instead for Zita West’s IVF relaxation and meditation cd that I got from a friend and yoga. And finally, N and I are all loaded up on 3+ months of fertility friendly vitamins.

None of this is a guarantee of anything but I feel a little more prepared I think. And I’m a little relieved that my nerves from before are replaced with this feeling of indifference. It’s helping me not crumble into a million pieces.

I spoke to the nurse today and I’m to do the blood pregnancy test on Thursday and start birth control pills the same day if the test comes back negative (rolls eyes). My baseline ultrasound is on the 25th and I’ll stop birth control on the same day. Then I’ll wait for instructions on when to start injections. Oh, the meds should be delivered on Friday.

Maybe when I see the meds I’ll get excited. Why am I not excited? Hmmm.

In the meantime, cheers to 1 1 1!! On to the next one!

Mini Road Trip Reflections

I just got back from an epic 2 hour trek to my clinic to draw one vial of blood for karyotype testing they thought would be a good idea.

I want to say I don’t mind that drive because I usually don’t but I think it was because it’s Saturday and it was early I was just getting increasingly gloomy the further I drove. It was a tough morning. I kept thinking of all my friends without fertility issues who never have to take this drive. I thought of how happy everyone must be to wake up to baby snuggles and not 1 inch needles going into their arms. I thought of the oldest man in the world driving 30 in the fast lane in front of me and simply would not move over. Why old man? Why?

To add insult to injure, yesterday I called the insurance and I guess I won’t be reimbursed for the PGD testing. I’ve made my peace with it. I mean at least we won’t be shelling out $7000 like last time. I’ll pay out of pocket for PGD every day if I have to.

I took a look at my calendar and realized that my next cycle will fall extremely close in time to my last cycle. A year. A full year between cycles has passed. Wow. I remember when our cycle failed I went through moments where I thought I wouldn’t even bother trying again. I’m trying to reflect on those and I remember being absolutely hopeless. And here I sit, a year on, hopeful again. I guess time really does heal.

Sure this morning I was grumpy and sad about our situation and the stupid HMO crap but that drive is entirely too long to garner any join from anyway.

I feel like infertility is testing me every step of the way. It sees I’m happy and ready to start round two and it’s like “Oh no she didn’t!”.. I’m not going to let it win!! I’m nervous but I’m excited by golly!! I’m ready!

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